Browsing Category

Mental Health

Mental Health

Why I’ve Lost Myself To Depression Recently

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

TRIGGER WARNING: This will talk a lot about depression and negative thoughts so please don’t read if you’re struggling right.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written an honest-to-god kind of post, but I feel it’s right to. You may have noticed that I have been more odd than usual since the start of lockdown.

The truth is that I haven’t taken to this ‘new normal’ well. In fact it had made me the worst I’ve been for years. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to describe what my mental health has been like and the only way I know is through a blog post. I’ll try not to waffle on too much but maybe someone else will have felt the same.

So…what has been going on in my mental health world?

My eating disorder is out of control.

My brain refuses to work so I have horrendous concentration. This is the main reason why my posts and social media have been so sporadic. I ended up leaving a couple of comment swaps because I wasn’t able to read/comment on other posts. It’s made me feel like not only a hopeless blogger but a rubbish human being.

I haven’t felt human.

I’ve done human things such as getting up, eating and going to bed. That’s it. I haven’t been able to function during phone/zoom calls, haven’t been able to get fit or do any of the things most people seem to be doing. It isn’t for want of trying. I truly have tried my hardest every day to write a post or even to sit up on my sofa. The fact that I’ve even left bed is a miracle.

If it wasn’t for the fear of being sectioned during a pandemic, I would have voluntarily sectioned myself at the start. I’ll be honest and admit that I have felt nothing but a shell. My parents always taught me that I should be thankful for having my strength and my health, but I don’t feel it. Just because I physically look fine doesn’t mean that I’m not in agony.

Somehow I’ve lost who I am to my mind.

It’s taken control over everything I do and I hate it so much. I feel like I’ve forgotten who I even was before my depression appeared. There are pictures of me as a kid smiling and giggling and I literally can’t think of a day when I’ve smiled this year. You know you see those pictures of someone with a smile mask part off and the other part has tears? That’s me.

This blog has been my baby for 2 years now and I discovered that it was triggering me. The idea of not posting as often as other people, not having the motivation to schedule posts or posting on social media. I have tried to post a little on Twitter but even that has been a massive struggle. My depression makes me see the online world as everyone mocking me for my failures. Believe me, I know no-one is but that’s mental health in a nutshell. The only person mocking me right now is myself. Therapy is ever so slowly trying to help me see through that.

I guess it’s just hard to be positive when your world was already burning before all this.

All this said, I still aim to be there for friends who are struggling. If I can relate somehow to what they’re feeling, I’ll be there with a funny gif or a listening ear. I’ve had a small handful of people who I have spoken to in DMs when I’ve been super low and they’ve been a god-send.

I can’t say that I’ll post much while I battle this but I appreciate you being there anyway. There’s no question to answer for this post. Just stay safe.

depression

 

Lifestyle Mental Health

5 Frustrating Habits I’ve Developed While In Lockdown

frustating habitsPhoto by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

We’re 5 weeks into this total lockdown and I’ve really started to notice some frustrating habits that have developed during this.

I mean…my brain has always been a bit foggy and weird, but it’s actually been extra annoying over the last month and a bit. It helps that we’re all in the same boat so probably share some of these habits.

If you feel how I do, let me know so we can rant about it together!

Awful Concentration

I always thought I had pretty decent concentration considering what my head goes through but that is non-existent right now. I have never known it to be as bad as this. I’ve been trying to keep things as normal as they were before and it just isn’t happening. The one area I’ve really noticed this is writing blog posts!

I have so many ideas that I want to write and, every time I sit down to type one out, I’m left staring at my screen. It is really starting to annoy me and it’s a surprise that I’ve even managed to type this one. I guess I understand that we’re all going through an extremely rare situation and that will have a big impact. I just wish that it gave me a break every now and again.

It’s not just blog writing. I have awful concentration when it comes to reading too! *sob*

Even less sleep

Sleep has forever been a thorn in my side.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve struggled sleeping whether from nightmares or over-thinking. As I’ve gotten older, insomnia has become my partner in crime and has been walking around my flat at all hours of the morning. I’m trying a bunch of different things to make me sleepier but not happening right now.

These days I’m lucky if I get even 4 hours sleep. It doesn’t help that my neighbours drive me around the bend with music and fighting, but my brain just won’t switch off! I’ve tried writing things down, turning my phone off, listening to music and pillow sprays…nothing.

If anyone has any ideas, I’d love to hear them. I need all the help I can get.

Snacking

Okay, due to have a binge-eating disorder, snacking is one of the frustrating habits I’ve had for a while. (Don’t worry…I’m seeing a clinic to help me figure this out!)

That said, snacking has been going alongside the lack of sleep.

The more I think about it, the more I’m starting to realise I snack to keep control. My life has gone completely out of control due to this stupid virus so eating is the only thing left to me. I snack if I’m bored too, I reckon. Surprisingly my snacks are pretty healthy, such as fruit and coconut yoghurt. It’s just the frequency of when I have them.

I’m trying to drink more to see if that curbs the craving but no luck as of yet.

Irritation

This is one of the few times that I’m actually glad that I live on my own.

My mum could have vouched that I have a bit of a temper when I have things on my mind. It might surprise you but I think that’s just my Irish side coming out! In normal circumstances I can only rage and rant internally and keep from people seeing how irritated I am. However I’ve noticed how easily irritated I’ve been these last few weeks.

Sun blazing through my window? GAH.

Birds tweeting too loudly? SHUT UP!

Accidentalily scratching myself with a sharp nail? WHY?!

It’s no surprise that I’m getting more and more grey hairs! I bet I’ll be more grey than brown by the end of this! Haha!

Crying

Out of all these frustrating habits, crying isn’t that much of a surprise.

On a lot of my school reports I was told that I’m a little sensitive. That I would cry over little things and that I had to try and toughen myself up a bit. Considering that I was bullied horrendously through school, I think they should have picked on why I cried so much.

Zipping forward to present day, it’s also no surprise that I’m crying more.

I’m stressed!!

If I wasn’t already on medication for my mental health, then I would be yelling at my GP to put me on some as soon as possible. The last time I cried was last Friday when my antidepressants didn’t come up with the rest of my repeat prescription. I thought I wouldn’t get any for the next 4 days, the lady on 111 kept asking why I couldn’t have family fetch them for me from Tesco and my anxiety was already through the roof.

I broke.

It’s all sorted now thankfully (at least for this month) but I expect I’ll have more days when I’ll be a sobbing mess.

What frustrating habits have you noticed since lockdown started?

5 Frustrating Habits

Lifestyle Mental Health

Learning To Find The Positives In A Difficult Situation

positivesPhoto by Carli Jeen on Unsplash

Whether it’s living through a pandemic or battling mental health, it can still almost impossible to find any positives in a difficult situation. Believe me, I’ve been there many, many times. I was even there today. I can’t say that I’ll give any decent tips, but I did want to try and find even one happy thing to appreciate.

It’s not easy.

Something that may be positive for one person might not work for another.

I guess that’s why I love doing list posts because I can work through what’s in my head. It definitely stops me from babbling on! Though I do that too! Haha!

As you can tell from yesterday’s post, I love trying to find ways to help people smile. I’m not a funny person myself so I let happy things do the work for me! Who doesn’t love discovering that there is a ferret called Oliver who goes hiking! The little things, people! Animals are amazing.

Family

This has to be one of the biggest positives of this pandemic.

We’ve always had excuses in the past that we didn’t have any time to really focus on family. Now we don’t have that excuse! We literally have all the time in the world to reconnect with each other again. I’ve heard so many people are playing board games, going on walks and coming up with creative things to do indoors.

However, I know there are way too many families kept apart by the virus. I imagine a positive you could find with this is that we have technology! I know it’s nothing like having the real people there, but you can still connect. Grandparents are reading bed-time stories to kids, families are playing quizzes on Zoom and more.

Who knew we’d feel super lucky for wanting to be online!

Pets

Like I said earlier, animals are amazing!!

If I could be the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons, I would do that in a heartbeat. I really miss having Jewel sleeping on my lap while I read a book or watched Netflix. You never realise just how important pets can be to your mental health until you’re stuck indoors. They can always detect when you are feeling low or are upset.

I had have so many memories of Jewel just appearing at the right time to sit near me. Nothing more relaxing than stroking a cat’s fur.

I’ve seen some really funny TikToks of pets not knowing what to do with their human being there all the time. You get some that are super happy and others that wish you would disappear. Another TikTok trend are owners copying their pets such as looking out the window like their dog or curled up on the sofa like a cat.

How have your pets taken to you being there all day?

Learning/Re-Learning Skills

A great distraction is doing something like a hobby.

The positives of learning/re-learning skills is that they keep your mind busy. That way you have moments where you don’t have to think about the situation you’re in, even if it’s just for a little while. You could try learning a new language, take an online course or pick up a skill you used to do.

I’d love to say that I was a secret artistic genius but I’m a stick-person lady!

If you’re stuck in 12-week isolation, maybe try this! It doesn’t replace the need to go outside but it might pass some time if you enjoy!

Have you managed to find any positives in bad situations?

positives

Mental Health

My Nightmare Years With Food | Eating Disorders Awareness Week

eating disorder

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of eating disorders, mental health

I wasn’t sure I would be able to write this post. I’m currently in therapy tackling my depression, anxiety and unhealthy relationship with food. I never realised how unhealthy it was until my mum pulled me aside one day and said that she believed I had an eating disorder. I was never diagnosed with one but I have had other medical people saying so. Maybe if my GP had recognised my habits earlier I’d be less of a mess.

Let me start at the beginning.

When I was at school I wasn’t a particularly big child. I wasn’t the smallest but I was always told that I was at a healthy weight for my age. That was fine with me and I was happy. Both my parents loved their food and my dad was an amazing cook. If he made curries or corned beef hash, I would eat! I would snack fine and I never thought about what I was eating. I never needed to.

It wasn’t until the bullying at secondary school kicked started something in me.

You know how cruel children can be when they want to.

I had all the usual insults thrown at me on a daily basis:

Ugly.
Freak.
Weirdo.

Fat.

Year 7 was the first time I was ever called fat.

I can look at photos from when I was 11 and see that I wasn’t fat at all. My face was round but that was genetics and I couldn’t control those.

So many things happened during my years at school that contributed to my life spiralling. The bullying, my dad dying and just your general teen stresses. I’ll admit that I did start eating more to distract myself from my thoughts. If I ate, I could focus on something instead of crying. Skip to 2010 when my GP at the time said the worst thing than any of my bullies:

“You are morbidly obese.”

I was 10 and a half stone.

How could a medical professional look at that weight and say that I was not just obese but morbidly obese? According to the NHS, a person can be classed as that when they are either 100 pounds over their ideal body weight or at a BMI of 40. Is it any wonder that I developed eating disorders after this?

I went from a woman in her 20s who ate food normally to someone who only ate bites.

Whenever I got a meal I would leave at least half of it. If I ate bread, I would pull the middle of the sandwich and leave the rest. I would often skip meals and snacks during the day. I would look in the mirror and see a ginormous person looking at me.

Sorry about the sideways picture but this was the only picture I had of myself at my thinnest. I was at the top end of 7st. I thought I looked normal, even when people said that I didn’t look well. I guess it wasn’t until Mum said I looked like a skeleton that I took a look at myself.

I wasn’t well at all but I chose not to go to the doctors. I had completely lost faith in them and the only person I trusted was my mum. It was so difficult to start eating all of my meals and seeing the pounds piling her but I knew it made her happier.

The problem was that the thoughts never changed.

I still saw myself as super fat and it was killing me inside. I think it was going to take a lot of help to change almost a decade of negative thoughts about myself. Unfortunately, before I could get proper help, Mum died and my world imploded. Instead of not eating, I ate everything. I would eat whole tubs of Magnum, whole loaves of bread and couldn’t leave anything.

This is where I’m currently at.

I eat whole packs of things and then hit myself. Not gentle hits either. I will punch my stomach, legs, whack myself around my face and head. It’s so hard to type this and I’m in tears typing it but I need to be honest. Last week I was diagnosed officially with a binge eating disorder. I’ve had an inkling that this was the case after reading the symptoms of Beat, but I hadn’t had an actual diagnosis.

I genuinely hate that I’m like this and, even though I’ve lost 6lbs and am currently at 11st 5, I have to be monitored that I don’t take myself back to 7st. My clinical psychologist said that everything is linked to body dysmorphia. Ugh. My therapy session last week actually had me talking about my relationship with food and it was so hard. I’ve never truly been honest with anyone about food and me, not even with my mum. I know I need to start being though.

If you believe that you or someone you love may have an eating disorder, you can either talk to your GP or contact the BEAT helpline on 0808 801 0677, 0808 801 0711 (Youthline) or 0808 801 0811.

No question for this post but please look after yourselves and support everyone during Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

Mental Health

30 Inspirational Quotes To Read If You Are Stuck

quotesPhoto by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

One of the posts I remember doing on my old blog was one about inspirational quotes that got me through a day, a month and a year. I’ve literally got a whole board on quotes that have inspired me and made me laugh. I think sometimes you read ones that are meant to be helpful but are actually condescending. You can also read ones that don’t make sense at the time but do in the future.

The quotes I have below have helped me a lot in recent years with my mental health. I hope in turn they can either help you or at least give you a smile.

  1. You are allowed to outgrow people.
  2. One of the biggest mistakes we make is believing other people think the way we think.
  3. Be patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms all year.
  4. You’re doubting yourself again. Stop that.
  5. Don’t let anyone rent space in your head unless they are a good tenant.
  6. Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.
  7. Work hard in silence. Let your success be your noise.
  8. Just in case no-one has told you lately, the progress you’re making truly matters.
  9. We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when creating them.
  10. We are told to put on a brave face, but sometimes the bravest thing is to take the mask off.
  11. If you’re on medication for your mental health, that’s okay. They’re like glasses for your brain.
  12. Fight like a Disney princess.
  13. You are either on my side, at my side or in my way. Choose wisely.
  14. Tears are words the heart can’t say.
  15. You are not alive just to pay bills and lose weight.
  16. If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters.
  17. People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
  18. It’s okay. You just forgot who you are. Welcome back.
  19. You are powerful, beautiful, brilliant and brave.
  20. Somewhere there is a past you overflowing with so much pride looking at how far you’ve come.
  21. You would be surprised at who is watching your journey and being inspired by it. Don’t give up.
  22. It’s okay if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.
  23. If someone asks ‘are you crazy?’, simply reply yes. Boom. End of discussion.
  24. If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.
  25. You’re healing and that terrifies them. They’ve never met a woman who can break several times and put herself together with nothing but self-love.
  26. When life shuts a door, open it. It’s a door. That’s how they work.
  27. Take time to be thankful for what you have. You could always have more, but you could also have less.
  28. They laugh at me because I’m different. I laugh at them because they’re all the same.
  29. Don’t be hard on yourself. The mum in ET had an alien living in her house for days and didn’t notice.
  30. Avoiding certain people to protect your emotional health is not a weakness. It’s wisdom.

Which quotes do you find inspirational and help you?

Lifestyle Mental Health

5 Things You Should Try To Do Every Day

do every dayPhoto by Emma Matthews Digital Content Production on Unsplash

Every one was taught as a child to do certain things every day to be healthy. I can remember being taught how to properly brush my teeth at school, eat a balanced diet and even dealing with periods. It was like having a third parents in my life!

The problem is that, as soon as you reach adulthood, things start to lack. You wish that there were lessons for you to do every day to maintain sanity. Those lessons could be super simple or they could be tricky like money! I still don’t get money. I guess it’s a good job that I don’t earn a lot. Haha! I thought I’d try to come up with things to do every day that you might not think of yourself.

Stay hydrated

You would think that this would be a super obvious one to do every day but you’d be surprised! I don’t even do it and I know that I should.

The recommended water intake you’re meant to have is 8 glasses a day. It isn’t that Sometimes you have to be creative with how you take it in. You could have cups of green tea, buy a hydro-flask that tells you times to drink at or just always have water near you. That way you’ll see it when you look up and will be able to sip.

Since you’re reading this post, why not go grab some water now?

Laugh

This is another simple yet tough one to do especially if you suffer from mental health or struggling. Apparently 3-4 years old laugh up to 300 times a day and adults only 17! That’s crazy when you think about it, right? It’s sad that we lose that sense of fun as we grow up. I can understand why since life happens but still sad.

While I doubt we’ll be able to get you laughing as often as a kid, maybe these ideas could help:

  • Watch a comedy film you haven’t seen in a while
  • Watch a cat/dog video
  • Tell a loved one ‘bad jokes’
  • Look back at old photos/watch home videos

Make at least one meal at home

So many of us either eat out or order in and that’s understandable. We have busy lives and don’t always feel like cooking.

You don’t have to make a four course meal! You could easily make something quick like scrambled eggs or a salad. The meal doesn’t have to be hot, just homemade.

Walk 30 minutes a day

Something that has made life easier for me or at least feel accomplished is walking 30 minutes a day.

If my legs aren’t declaring war on me and the weather is behaving, I walk. There is something really relaxing about walking in the sun. You can get away from social media and clear your mind. Not everyone can walk 30 minutes in one go so you could try doing it in 10 minute intervals.

Hug a loved one/pet

Apparently it’s been shown that by hugging someone your blood pressure goes down. Don’t quote me on that but I’m sure I heard that fact on some scientific show! Haha! It could be your pet!

Even though I can’t do this one every day, I do try to visit my local cat cafe once a week to hug cats. They keep me calm and ease my anxiety. If I can have at least one day with being anxious I’ll be happy! You can never go wrong with furry cuddles! Though you have to catch a cat at the right moment.

Talk to someone

It isn’t just the elderly that can get lonely. Any person of any age can suffer from loneliness. I myself suffer with it almost every day since I don’t have any relatives closeby. It’s why I try to take myself out of my flat and do something. I go to craft classes, visit my local library or just walk around town. Along the way I’ll eventually chat with someone and that is a good thing.

Try not to exclude yourself for people. You matter.

Oh, and talk physically! We’re all online way too much methinks!

What things do you think we should do every day?

do every day

 

Mental Health

Thoughts I’m Having Before My First Therapy Appointment

therapyPhoto by Timothy L Brock on Unsplash

Oof, have I had a bit of a history with therapy?

I’ve been in and out of it ever since I was a kid and haven’t had much luck with it. Some sessions had been to help me with my confidence, others for bereavement. I think what you can get with therapy is a little hit and miss depending on the therapist.

Why am I writing this post since I’ve already chatted so much about my mental health?

Well, as the title kind of suggests, tomorrow I have my very first therapy session. At least in the last few years anyway! I was supposed to have it today but my therapist double-booked. That kind of left me upset since I thought I’d have to wait for months again. Thankfully that wasn’t the case.

I’ve got so much inside my head in way of thoughts and some fears! I know that I shouldn’t be scared of therapy because it’s meant to help me, but this is me we’re talking about! Haha! I wouldn’t be having it if I didn’t have some dumb fears about the session.

“If I tell the whole truth, I’ll be sectioned!”

If you ever had severe depression, then I’m sure you’ve had this particular fear regardless of who you talk to.

The thought of ever being sectioned is terrifying. The only thing that keeps me going (in a sense) is having control. It’s funny that I say that since I don’t think I’ve had true control over my life for years. At least not mentally anyway. I have to tell myself that she wouldn’t automatically section me unless I was at immediate danger to myself or someone else and I’m not.

If I’m going to stand any chance of recovering, I need to be completely honest. Therapy means confidential and she is there to help me make sense of why I think the way I do. It’s going to take a really long time but I know it’ll be worth it. Maybe I’ll feel more stable for when I go to visit family in June.

“What if I’m too far gone?”

This is such a stupid fear for me to have.

If I was really too far gone then I would either be sectioned or with my parents. The fact that I’m even doing therapy means that I must (deep down) feel like I can be helped. Part of me feels like I’ll never recover since I’ve had to wait for so long to get to this point. I’ve literally had something like 3 assessments to even be considered to see a psychologist.

“Maybe she won’t think I’m depressed and give me another diagnosis!”

A long shot of fear but, when you’ve heard so many people say different things, you don’t know what to think anymore. My autism support worker says that a lot of people she looks after are diagnosed with different mental health conditions. When the symptoms they’re showing are actually connected to their autism.

I know I’m quirky but even I don’t think I can be placed in different baskets.

What I’m getting to as well with my fear is that they won’t think my depression is serious. I wouldn’t be going to see this person if someone didn’t think I needed the extra support. Never been to see a clinical psychologist before so fear of the unknown I guess. Eventually I want to be able to come off my anti-depressants but that’s a long time in the future!

“I won’t recover by the end of these sessions.”

I’m certain that we’ve all had this fear when it comes to our mental health. You see so many people chatting about their recovery (which is incredible by the way!) and you worry that you won’t. I know that I’m in that boat right now. I don’t know if you can ever fully recover from mental health.

Part of me always thought that everyone was born with the possibility of suffering. We just need that life trigger to kick it off. I know mine was started by bullying and made worse by losing family. One lesson that I have taken to heart is that, once you’ve been bullied, you carry on the bullying. It was something that a therapist said to me in CBT and it’s just stayed in my brain.

I have a whole bunch of fears that come with therapy. Whether it’s not fully trusting whoever I’m chatting to because I don’t know them or showing how broken I am. Let’s just hope that this psychologist has some extra strong super glue to piece me back together again.

It would be nice to feel stable and normal!

If you’ve had therapy, what were your fears before your first session?

Lifestyle Mental Health

5 Ways On How To Support An Introvert Friend

introvertPhoto by Prasanna Kumar on Unsplash

I can remember a moment in school when I was taught the words ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’. They didn’t mean much to be at the time but now I know that it can be a handy word. If you don’t know what an introvert is, it’s basically someone who prefers time to themselves and find busy social situations difficult. If you looked it up in the dictionary, I’m pretty sure you’d see my face!

I’m pretty socially awkward and have been for years. It isn’t that I haven’t tried being social but they’re just not my scene. Unless it’s a Harry Potter quiz or I’m surrounded by friends, then I can handle. A lot of the time people automatically think that introverts are mousy and boring. That’s so far from the truth!

We can be just as fun as extroverts! You just have to take the time to learn how to love being friends with an introvert!

Spend 1-to-1 with your friend

If you know that your friend happens to be an introvert, try spending specific time with them.

There’s something nice and safe about not having to cope with a group of people and trying to make conversation with them all. That’s more likely going to put your friend off coming. You could go for lunch somewhere, look around some book-shops or even go to the cinema.

You’ll have their attention and they will have yours.

Try to understand what it’s like to be an introvert

One of the best ways to know how to be with an introvert friend is to picture what it’s like to be in their shoes.

Take time to see how overwhelming social situations can be for them, know what their boundaries are and find others to be social with them. Not every person will be a shy little butterfly and can probably handle being social, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a limit.

You’re not being over-the-top by understanding. To be honest, I’d be somewhat flattered that you’ve tried to find ways to help our time be fun for both of us.

Let them have alone time

Ugh.

I’ve had a few friends in the past who have pushed and pushed and pushed for me to come out. One of those friends turned up to my house without ringing first and starting banging on my front door. It was 8am on a Saturday so I didn’t answer. They then started knocking on my downstairs windows. Mum was not happy with her at all and I ended up cutting ties with that person.

I can’t deal with pushy friends.

If a friend prefers not to go out often, don’t push or try to ‘persuade’ them to go. There’s a difference between being geniunely understanding and allowing your friend time and not listening.

LET US BE BLANKET BURRITOS!

Don’t make them feel as if they need to be fixed

This is something that really frustrates me. It’s not just the odd friend who does this but family as well. I do know that most of the time they are only trying to help but it makes you feel like you’re a problem.

You don’t need to be fixed.

You aren’t being awkward.

Being an introvert isn’t some kind of character flaw. We do need pushes to get out there and not disappear into our little comfort zones. Believe me, I would totally love if I could stay home under my blanket reading. If your friend/loved one ever feels like this, try and help by reassuring them that it’s okay. If they don’t want to go out, that’s fine.

It might take us time to open up to you

I like to think that if a person is a real friend then they’ll have patience with someone.

Some people might mistake being introverted for being cold, distant or seemingly uncaring. That is so far from the truth! We just take our time to get used to a person and, if we feel safe, then we’ll open up. As soon as we do, you have us! Our loyalty, our true personality underneath the quietness and more!

Be honoured if you ever see what I’m really like.

I’d love to know if you’re either an introvert, an extrovert or even bits of both. I guess I do have extrovert tendencies whenever I feel really safe with someone. That’s normally when I do non-stop chatting, let you into my thoughts and…you’ll know.

What do you consider yourself as?

 

Mental Health

Did I Succeed With My 2019 Mental Health Resolutions?

mental health resolutionsPhoto by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

This time last year I did a post setting some resolutions specifically for my mental health. I wanted to aim to try and improve it over that year and I figured this would kick my butt into gear. The question of the hour is did I succeed in completing any of my mental health resolutions.

I’m going to go through each and let you know how they went. I’ll warn you guys that this won’t be the longest post I’ve done, but this is handy for me to see! Any progress is better than none at all!

Take my medication on time

Yes!!

I’ve managed to take my anti-depressants every night with no issue. Have I seen an improvement in my mental health because of this? Not really. I still have quite a few rough days such as last Saturday. However, I’m still proud of myself for keeping on track with this particular med.

Now I just need to remember the meds for my migraines! That would be brilliant!

To not beat myself up if I don’t do something

Okay, this one was a no.

Realistically this probably wasn’t the best resolution to set myself before I start therapy. I’ve got a lot of negative thoughts about myself which lead to me beating myself up. They can be the tiniest thing such as forgetting to brush my teeth or not posting a blog post.

I’ve battled with this for so many years!

I did get a little better at trying to accept if things didn’t go exactly like I planned. Unfortunately there were more days that went sour such as not doing enough steps in my day. It’s such a stupid thing to worry myself over, but it happens. I’ve had to delete any pedometers that I had on my phone so that I wouldn’t trigger myself too much.

I will not listen to my inner voice

HAHAHA no.

If any of you suffer with a mental health issue, then you will know that the inner voice must come with an internal megaphone because it doesn’t shut the heck up! It must be like that annoying bully who keeps telling you all the nasty things it thinks about you and anything you do.

I definitely wish I could turn off that voice or swap it for a better one.

If we’re going to look at any sign of progress, it would have to be that I did have one day where I ignored it. It was when I was trying to walk a bit further and it was trying to say that I was super unfit. HA! I proved it wrong that day!

Learn to accept compliments

Another nope from me!

I try so hard to accept when someone compliments me on my look or my attitude, but it’s very difficult when I don’t feel it about myself. They say it and I just immediately shake my head. I do appreciate it deep down since even I like to hear nice things especially since I only hear negative thoughts coming from me.

If you happen to tell me something nice, thank you!

Stop myself feeling guilty from spending

This is something I did better at.

To be honest I didn’t really buy too much. When I did buy something it was usually an item that I’ve wanted to buy for a while. I’ve taken on the mentality that if I really want something, then I should wait a few months. If I still want it after that then I can buy it. This has worked with books, notebooks and other teeny things. I don’t like to spend money since I don’t have that much of it after bills.

That said I know that I do deserve to treat myself on occasion.

Instead of doing a new post chatting about my mental health resolutions, I’m just going to do a little list here of what I want to aim for during 2020!

  1. Be more positive about my achievements
  2. Reduce my medication dosage
  3. Successfully start therapy
  4. Try to counteract a negative with a positive

If you had any mental health resolutions, how did you do?

Lifestyle Mental Health

What Things Keep You Up At Night?

night

I would sit up at night reading books or magazines to try and get myself sleepy. Sometimes it worked and other times I ended up with nightmares.

My brain can be so weird sometimes. There are a number of things that keep me up so maybe we can be insomnia buddies.

If you do struggle a lot with sleepless nights, don’t be afraid to go and see your GP about it. There could be other reasons for it such as pain, mental health and more. You can get help! Now that’s out of the way, I’m going to look at certain things that might keep you up and try and come up with ways to overcome them. I’m definitely not a medical professional! Just a person whose body hates sleep!

Negative thoughts

Everyone suffers a form of these. You don’t have to suffer from mental health to have negative thoughts about something. It’s unfortunately what makes us human.

My mind never shuts up with all the negative things it believes I’ve done that day. Maybe I forgot to let an elderly lady onto the bus first, maybe I lied about feeling good, maybe I didn’t go out. It could be the littlest thing ever and you get made to go over that thought over and over and over.

You can tell why I don’t get a lot of sleep.

What I’ve recently done to try and combat this is to start both writing in my diary and jotting down anything positive that happens in my day. I have to accept that I will think negatively about things, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it control me.

Being on my phone before bed

Yeah…I’m one of those that brings their phone to bed and plays on it before they sleep. I know I shouldn’t have any electronics in bed and there is a whole scientific research saying that the blue light keeps you awake. I do have a method to my madness, I swear!

Some of the ways I fall asleep is by listening to music.

I can’t do with solid silence. My brain automatically tries to add different sounds into the silence and they are nightmare fuel! During my childhood I used to be terrified of a guy I would call ‘The Tamberine Man’. I would never see him but I would hear the sound of his tamberine and awful things would happen soon after. My adult brain now tries to undo all that conditioning by saying that the sound had actually been people outside my bedroom window making noise. I think my half-asleep brain just made it into something it wasn’t!

Still hate the sound though!

My iPhone has a setting where I can time it to turn the light from blue to red. The red helps make you tired so, between that and the music/Calm app, I would feel very sleepy. You’d think I would sleep after that but nope.

Pain

Enter the life of a chronic illness sufferer!

My fibromyalgia is such a party pooper when it comes to me trying to sleep. I’ve had so many nights when my legs have either be super painful or so restless. One of the reasons why I can’t go on coaches is the fact that their leg-space isn’t much. You used to have pitstops to service stations where you could stretch your legs but there isn’t anymore. At least on the coaches I go on. Sitting in your seat for 4 and a bit hours is not fun!

Back to sleepless nights!

My legs do the exact same thing they do on coaches. They become painful and very jumpy. You could be lying in bed and your leg suddenly jumps. I can usually feel it growing in my foot and then it travels up my leg. It has had me in tears on a few occassions.

Currently on medication (gabapentin and baclofen) to help combat the muscle spasms and the pain. Not perfect but better than agony!

Can’t get comfortable

There are other reasons other than pain that keep you up at night.

Apparently the top reason for not being able to sleep is because you can’t get comfortable in bed. The main cause for that? An out-of-date mattress. This isn’t a sponsored post (though I wouldn’t mind the opportunity! Haha!)…just passing on what I discovered from my local mattress man. He said that you have to change your mattress every 8 years since it can get out of shape after so many years.

It gets bumpy because of springs and it sags, doesn’t support you as well as it used to and might even make your allergies worse.

Noisy neighbours

Oh, do I have experience with this one!

If you follow me on Twitter, you will probably have heard that I’ve had quite a few problems with noisy neighbours. They would blare their loud music for hours! The longest was just over 6 hours! It’s bad enough when you have to deal with this music during the day, but when you have it at night? Ew. It doesn’t help that I’m sensitive to loud noises.

I’ve had to go down to talk to them at 11pm to tell them to turn it down! You can imagine how difficult it would be to sleep with something like a party happening down below you.

How do you cope with this?

You can either buy some ear-plugs to block out some of the noise or wear some noise-cancelling headphones. These are kind of more temporary options. You could report them for nuisance noise or let them know personally how the noise is affecting you!

What tends to keep you up at night and how do you deal with it?